The five articles that had the greatest impact on me this semester were The Opt-Out Revolution, He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut, Fresh Lipstick, The Beauty Myth, and The Changing Shape of Relationships from “The F Word.”

            I have chosen these readings because they show how women can become inferior to men and how to battle against that. They are connected through the theory that men being chivalrous and being respectful are two different things, and a woman can be single and not necessarily a lesbian or have something wrong with her.

            In the Opt-Out Revolution, Lisa Belkin argues that women have to make a choice between motherhood and work, and oftentimes, they choose their families over their jobs. She talks about the repercussions of the decision and questions why the workplace is not more conducive to the idea of the working mother.

            In He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut, Jessica Valenti shows the problems with established differences between men and women, and she shows how placing women on a pedestal while allowing men to be controlling is not in itself the answer. This article has shown me that above all else, the woman can have control for herself and still be deserving of love from her partner. It is not necessarily being needy that gets a man- perhaps for some men, but not necessarily for getting the man that a woman needs and deserves.

            Fresh Lipstick shows that a feminist does not have to be any certain type of person. Men can be feminists. Extremely feminine women with large amounts of make-up can be feminists. Lesbians, punk rockers, recovering anorexics, and even housewives can be feminists. It’s all about the attitude that is possessed. It’s about having rights and being allowed to be an individual irrespective of what another person or governing body chooses to say or do.

            The Beauty Myth is all about the concept of making a woman into a product. The article talks about how women are made into a thing rather than a person in order to sell something. Because of this, women are seen as less human than their male counterparts. It also goes on to show that there could be a link between rape and this concept of dehumanizing the female body.

            Last but not least is the chapter in the F-Word about the changing shape of relationships. This chapter in the book really grabbed me because it dealt with the women’s feelings about remaining single. Some women feel that being single is more empowering than getting married and raising the family. The concept of being the perfect housewife and soccer mom does not really apply to this type of woman. She wants a career and independence, and she is not afraid of being alone.

            These articles have really stood out to me because they introduce the idea of being lonely versus being independent. In my experiences, I have taken being alone to mean that there was something wrong with me. A man doesn’t love me because I am not worthy of his love. When perhaps the truth was that I am too good for him and don’t need him to be with me, I always have placed the blame on myself.

            However, the argument that these articles make is that you don’t have to be lonely. Sometimes you are better off alone. When a woman settles, bad things happen. She is not satisfied, and this could lead to rape, divorce, depression, or perhaps even suicide.

            As long as we as women believe that we need a man in order to make us happy, I am told we will never get there. Happiness comes from the inside out, not the other way around. As put to me by one of my fellow classmates this semester, if you are not happy with yourself, you won’t be happy when you have a man knocking on your doorstep and calling up your phone. A man is supposed to add to a woman’s happiness and sense of fulfillment. He is there to complete you, to make you whole- not to create you or give you life. A man is not God, nor should a woman expect a man to fill that void for you.

            In Valenti’s article, she talks about how women are always being pitted against each other. I admit that when I see a woman walking by and she sees me staring, she automatically grabs his hand or leans in closer and the negative thoughts just start coming into my head. Or when I notice a stay-at-home mom out to lunch with her “family.” It usually involves her staring at her five-carat ring while she picks at her grilled chicken salad. Her children, being aided by her nanny, in their best Ralph Lauren polos and Christian Dior sweaters, have no manners and scream when they don’t get their way at the table, and yet, everybody in the restaurant seems to be smiling at her “accomplishment.” If they aren’t thinking lucky you, then they are too busy in jealous thoughts and wishing she would die in a fatal car accident so that they can take her place.

            Valenti also argues that because of this placing ourselves in defensive mode rather than being on the same side of allowing ourselves to live our lives as independent, free-willed and freethinking adults, we are doing ourselves a disservice.

As she puts it in her chapter about women being viewed as being slutty when men are seen as playing the field, “First and foremost, stop calling other women sluts! It doesn’t behoove us to bash each other, gals. And speak out when you hear men do the same. “

At the same time, women really ought to stop feeling that they must choose to either be independent and happy or be married and stuck to a man’s side. Why can’t a married woman be independent? Is there a rule that says that when a woman marries, she will lose herself in the husband? From what I have learned about men, they do not want their women to lose her own self in them because they would be simply living through their husbands rather than living for themselves. Living vicariously through another person is not the way to live.

In Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner’s chapter in the F-Word, she sums it all up when she states, “Many women aren’t waiting for Prince Charming to buy them a ring and are purchasing their own bling-bling. Right-hand diamond rings are a hip, fashionable commodity with the singleton set. Single women have thrown off the cultural stigma of being an “old maid,” and many women are delaying marriage, choosing not to marry, and defining new ways to be in relationships.”

In other words, gone are the days when women have to be married to be happy. A man will not make you happy forever. As Joni said one day during class, “my husband is a part of my life, not my life. He makes me happy, but I wouldn’t necessarily say he completed me. My daughter matters more to me, because she is something that I have created.”

When I asked her if she would want her husband to care more for her or the child, her immediate answer was “Oh, I absolutely would want my husband to care more for my daughter. Emily is my life, and I wouldn’t want him to put more emphasis on me than her because I certainly wouldn’t place more emphasis on him than on my daughter.”

This will impact my future path, because it has shown me that the feelings that I have are not necessarily the feelings that I must have. Rather, these are feelings that have been introduced to me through outside factors. To be honest, I do not feel that I will change overnight. I think it will take a lot more disappointment and heartbreak before I learn to be my own person and stop waiting for my knight in shining armor to ride up on his steed, slay the dragon, and carry me off to his castle where we watch the sunset and live happily ever after.

As far as my future career path, this is definitely still up in the air. I wanted to be married before the age of twenty-five, and I never would have considered still being single. However, the days of my being an ostridge with her head in the sand are coming to an end.

I will be twenty-three this year, and that only gives me two years to reach my goal. What I am starting to figure out is that life is not always what you thought it would be, and sometimes, you have to make lemonade with a batch of onions. These articles, if nothing else, prove to me that there are women out there who have made it to a point in their lives where they are happy being alone and don’t even want a man anymore. It is my hope that I will find a way to be happy with myself and no longer fear the standards set up by the beauty myth. I don’t want to wait for a man to make me happy. Rather, I want to be the one the man hopes to wait for.